One of the first reasons people don't share and communicate openly is the fear of being ignored. They fear that someone won't pay attention or listen to their ideas, thoughts, feelings, or what they have to share.

Many times parents build a communication barrier into children by failing to respond to them when they share their innermost secrets.

So the child begins to think, "Well, why should I share with my parents? They're not interested. They don't even hear me." No matter how insignificant it may seem, it's important to listen to your children.

Another reason people don't go into deeper levels of communication is the fear of rejection, the fear they will be rejected.

Another reason people aren't completely open and transparent in communication is fear of ridicule. They are afraid someone will take the things they share and make a mockery of them, belittle them, or twist their words.

If you'll make a positive, conscious effort to rule out ignoring, rejecting, and ridiculing from your relationships, you can improve the communication in your home.

Many ideas have been killed by rejection before they ever got off the ground. Sometimes an idea may sound really crazy and far out, but it's not to be rejected at that moment. Just say, "Well, let's think about it. Let's pray about it. Let's take some time and develop that thought."

It's important in relationships in the home to welcome ideas or thoughts presented, particularly by children. Their ideas should not be thrown out the window, rejected, ridiculed, or belittled.

I have worked with teens most of our ministry. I have found that parents must make an adjustment when their youngsters move into adolescence. Children go through a biological, chemical, and emotional change when they go to be 11, 12, 13 or 14 years old.

When they hit that age, if you continue to treat them they way you did when they were younger, there's going to be an automatic communication breakdown and barrier. There has to be an adjustment in the way you relate to the adolescent child, gradually moving them into an adult relationship in communication.

This, of course, demands more trust on the part of the parents, utilizing faith in God to a greater dimension.

Don't Communicate in Anger
It's good to understand that even though you are open and transparent with one another, you should not communicate in anger.

James 1:20 says,

For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
(James 1:20)

If you're going to walk in righteousness (right standing with God), you must learn how to communicate without wrath. One way to maintain self-control is to pray in the Spirit.

Once you've been hurt or offended, if you feel wrath rising up inside, you may need to go in another room and pray in the Spirit. Or you may need to wait overnight before talking about it in order to avoid communication in wrath.

If you let your emotions get carried away, then the other person can't really hear what you're saying. All they hear is anger, but you want them to understand. In order for them to hear, you must be in control of your emotions.

I believe God placed the fruit of the Holy Spirit in our human spirit so it could mature to be able to handle all situations with love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Gal. 5:22-23.)

The only time Jesus became angry was with righteous indignation as He dealt with the moneychangers in the temple and with the scribes and Pharisees, but this was the anger of God at religious traditions. There's a big difference between the anger of God and the wrath of man, so we need to discern this in our hearts.

One of the biggest detriments to good communication is allowing the emotions to become involved. An emotional outburst can cause a breakdown in communication. But if you can share without emotional involvement, shouting or getting upset, you can resolve problems in a godly manner.

Ephesians 4:26,27 says: "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.

I believe God gave us the emotion of anger to combat the works of the devil. If we would fight the devil as hard the works of the devil. If we would fight the devil as hard as we fight each other, we would be living in peace and harmony with each other.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side! They're working as a team. Your marriage takes team effort, for a house divided against itself will not stand. (Matt. 12:25).

You need to acknowledge that you're a team player alongside your wife or husband. As you flow together, you will succeed. You will reach your goals and be able to claim your victories.

Source: Building Stronger Marriages by Billy Joe Daugherty.
Excerpt permission granted by Harrison House Publishers