Marriages without agape will most assuredly end up in disaster. Couples should always be friends, but you can only build a home on agape. Agape takes time, work, and patience.
Sometimes you can think you're operating in agape when you're not, especially if you've been married a while. For example, in marriage counseling, a wife will sometimes say that she feels as if her husband is putting her down. Then her husband will say, "I don't make her feel like that." Immediately, his is on the defensive. Therefore, he is acting outside of agape love.
You see, in a marriage relationship, it doesn't matter how you feel. It matters how the other person feels. In the above-mentioned hypothetical case, it is the husband's responsibility to find out why his wife feels as if he is putting her down. Then they should talk it out and fix the problem. That is what it means to operate in agape love.
Agape is not automatic. It is something you have to work on. You have to work on seeing your mate as valuable and precious. You even have to work on seeing yourself that way, especially if you were brought up in a home where your parents told you just the opposite.
If you're dating someone brought up in a home where they were called all types of negative names, then that person will have trouble seeing you as valuable and precious. They can't even see themselves as valuable and precious. That person has to work on renewing their mind to love as God loves.
This is good news to you if you are single. You have time on your side. Give that person time and pray that they'll do what is necessary to see themselves as valuable and precious. Timing is everything.
Study reference: Luke 8:15; 21:19; Romans 8:25; 15:4
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