Establishing boundaries in our lives is not always easy, especially when there are so many things pulling us in different directions. Whether on the job or in our families, it is easy to try to become everything to everybody, and neglect ourselves in the process. I’ve discovered an important key to maintaining balance in life, and that is establishing boundaries. Whether single or married, boundary setting is a necessary part of life. Without it, we can become overrun with the needs of others, without taking care of our own.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries
While it is important to care for others and be women whom the people in our lives can rely on, we must also take into consideration that we cannot always be everything to everybody, all the time. Further, if we do not set boundaries around our lives, we run the risk of becoming burned out, frustrated, and overwhelmed. Many times, when we experience these types of emotions, it is nobody’s fault but our own. No one can make us do things we do not want to do.

Setting boundaries is not always easy, especially if you have allowed yourself to be the “go-to” person all the time. If this is the case, you may have to scale back the amount of time you allow others to occupy, even if it is for a good reason or cause. This can be especially true where church and work-related activities are concerned. We can easily become so wrapped up in helping and pleasing others that we become out of balance, as it relates to the time we spend doing for others, rather than taking time for ourselves.

One of the reasons people tend to have a hard time setting boundaries is because of people-pleasing. When pleasing others out of fear of disappointing them or making them upset is the motivation for why we do what we do, we will inevitably become frustrated and resentful. Understand that you cannot live a happy, healthy life when you are constantly worried about pleasing others and performing so you can be congratulated by someone else. Being a superwoman out of fear or low self-esteem is not beneficial either.

So, how can we set boundaries in our lives and feel okay with it? By first recognizing that setting boundaries is okay! There is nothing wrong with saying “no” to people. In fact, saying “no” could be one of the best things you can do to preserve your sanity and peace! People-pleasing is fear-based and will entangle you in a web of self-imposed bondage. You must know your limits and what you can and cannot commit to. If you are unsure about doing something for someone else, do not take it on.

Here are a few other things to consider:

• Identify the areas in your life where you may need to set boundaries.
• Recognize that setting boundaries is necessary. Take time for yourself, and do not allow outside activities and commitments to interfere with your family and personal time.
• Pray about things before committing. Usually, we make decisions without discovering whether they are things we really need to do.
• Take the pressure off yourself to perform and be all things to all people. Do what you can do, and desire to do, but do not try to do everything for fear of disappointing others.

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