Husbands and wives: It’s a strange phenomenon that we often treat strangers better than we do our closest family members. We try to show ourselves polite and courteous to others until we get home, and then we let our tongues fly carelessly around the most important people in our lives!
The home is a place to relax, but still there should be some guard on our tongues. Walk on eggshells with each other. Think before speaking: “is this going to bless or curse?”
You wouldn’t talk flippantly to your spouse if a guest was there with you. Remember when you were dating and go back to that mindset: you wouldn’t speak your mind if it in any way obstructed the goal of winning his or her heart.
When you first pursued the other, you accepted anything they said! Your goal was to look good. We don’t have to revert to corny romance, but we need to keep the ‘win his or her heart’ mindset. Unfortunately, this mindset is often discarded and lost right after couples say “I do.”
Just because you are stuck with each other doesn’t mean you have each others’ hearts. Seek to win the other by listening to each other, preferring the other above yourself, and communicating sensitively.
Parenting
I learned from John Rosemond that there are typically three different stages of parenting that should take place in a child’s life.
From ages 1 to 3, the child should be the center of attention, requiring you to focus on their every need.
From ages 4-12, the child needs to learn to focus on the parents as the center of attention. The child needs to be ruled by loving discipline and authority. They should be built up, listened to and encouraged. But the parent should correct them decisively if they have done wrong. They should not be bargained with or reasoned with when they are doing wrong. Sometimes it is entirely okay for the parent to say, “Because I said so.” The parent should be authoritative and require respect. That said, find teachable moments to explain why certain things are wrong or right.
From ages 13 on up, parents should begin to release control and work more as a strong influence in their children’s lives. Now is a crucial time to reason with them, especially explaining why certain things are wrong and how choices will affect their lives. It is important to make sure you listen to your kids and keep the lines of communication open. Show interest in what they are interested in, even if it is the most ridiculous thing. They will grow closer to you and be more willing to open up to you if you do not criticize everything.
Disclaimer
I by no means have perfected these principles. But I try to practice them. At least I know them. That’s always a better position than having no ideals. If you mess up, just get back up. It’s a growth process, and at least you are on the right track.
Family takes work. People work so hard to win the world and become a success, but they let their families go as if there is nothing to them. A family is a garden that requires your continual attention. Give yourself to it wholeheartedly and you will enjoy its precious fruits.
Copyright © Rick Bell
All rights reserved.
All rights reserved.