"But beware of men…." (Matt. 10:17, NKJV)Christians are nice. Forgiving. Loving. Caring. Trusting.
In our loving naivety, we sometimes tolerate and enable toxic people. We aren't doing them any favors when we do so. At times, it may be in the best interest of the toxic personality to speak the truth in love and/or to separate from their company.
Jesus was Love manifest in the flesh and yet because He knew what was in men, He spoke the truth and called toxic people out. Have you read Jesus' comments? He wasn't very politically correct; He called people "hypocrites" and "white-washed sepulchers, full of dead men's bones." (Matthew 23:27-29) For many years—as a new Christian—I thought Jesus was mean because He was so blunt when calling people on the carpet. Yet, I knew He wasn't being hurtful because His very nature is love. So, when Jesus exposed toxic people—it was for their benefit and the benefit of those they influenced.
It's not easy to do, but we need to follow Jesus' admonition to "beware of men." The reality is that we ought to be loving, kind Christians who give people the benefit of the doubt; yet, at the same time, we need to be wise and discerning. Some people—for a variety of reasons—live lives that pollute others. There are those who have chosen to rebel against God and their rebellion infects and impacts those they are around. There are others with a more severe toxic personality—the mental health field uses the term "personality disorders"—and these strongholds cause them to act in strange, hurtful and sometimes dangerous ways.
One toxic personality trait that seems to be common these days is the "narcissist" personality disorder. In recent years, I have come to learn, understand and recognize more about this disorder, due to a troubling relationship I experienced. Once the light bulb turned on and I realized what I was dealing with, I learned how to "beware" of this personality. That is, I began to learn how to speak the truth in love and establish needed boundaries. Because this type of toxic personality is often charming, yet toxic—it can be confusing. There are many clinical traits that trained professionals identify, but we can see some of the traits of a narcissistic person from several Bible passages.
Constant Desire to be the Center of Attention: They have an inordinate desire to be preeminent and the center of attention, at all times. Diotrephes was such a person. "I wrote unto the church: but Diotrephes, who loveth to have the preeminence among them, receiveth us not." (3 John 9)
Far-Fetched, Grandiose Ideas: They have grandiose visions of themselves that are not based in reality. Sort of like some of the extreme people we've seen during American Idol tryouts—the ones who can't carry a tune to save their lives, but they tell Simon off and promise to show him he's wrong when they are rich and famous! "For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly…." (Romans 12:3)
No Empathy: They have an inability to empathize with others, especially those they've hurt. As one expert told me, trying to get empathy from a narcissist is like asking a man with no legs to go for a walk. They simply do not have the capacity to do so. This counselor went on to say that children learn empathy from their mothers when they are young and if they don't learn this they can become very self-focused and ultimately a narcissist. Therefore, they are not able to fulfill this verse in Romans 12:15: "When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow."
Of course, there are many other specific traits that are recognized by mental health professionals. If you think you may have toxic people in your life and you need God's wisdom on how to relate to them, I encourage you to obtain insight from those who are professionals in these fields. The truth will set you free!
There is only only one Person who deserves the preeminence in all things—Jesus Christ!
"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence." (Colossians 1:15-18, NKJV)
Disclaimer: Before we start throwing stones, let's remember, we all have our own quirks and idiosyncrasies. No one is perfect and to one degree or another, all of us have a bit of narcissism in us. The wise and healthy thing to do is to understand the difference between normal personality traits and the toxic ones.
"Father, help me to recognize any toxic people in my life. Give me the wisdom I need to discern 'normal' from 'toxic,' boldness to speak the truth in love, and the direction I need to set healthy, godly boundaries. In Jesus' Name. Amen."
Beth Jones Ministries
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As a young couple, fresh out of Bible School with Two daughters and a third child on the way, Jeff and Beth Jones felt God's call to pioneer Valley Family Church in 1991 with a vision to make an eternal difference in Southwest Michigan. As a husband and wife team, they have always led together as visionary pastors and have shared the pulpit as Bible teachers. They are passionate about building the local church in greater Kalamazoo and the global church around the world. 
