The fight is on—at every level. Strife is separating nation from nation, brother from sister and husband from wife. The conflict comes in varying degrees—from minor disagreements at the office to bomb-dropping border disputes between nations.

If you're going to live in this world, you're going to have to deal with it! And, as a believer, you're going to have to deal with it severely.

Strife isn't something you can treat casually. It's a deadly enemy. Just look at what the Word says about it. James 3:16 says where strife is there is confusion and every evil work.

Allowing strife to go unchecked or entering into it opens the door to every evil work. Careful study of the New Testament reveals strife as a deadly enemy that must be stopped in our daily lives.

Even after I was born again, I could be pretty ornery. I said cutting things that packed a more powerful punch than my fist ever did. Instead of slugging a man in the face, I hit him in the heart and that was much more devastating.

A black eye will heal in just a few days, but a wounded spirit will fester and fester until someone reaches in there with the love of God to heal it.

What I couldn't understand is why I spoke more harshly to my family than to anyone else. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't speak a kind word to them.

I criticized Gloria's driving so much that she nearly refused to drive while I was with her. And I criticized her flying until she finally decided to just sleep and let old "bad mouth" do all the flying. The way I spoke to my children was no better.

I didn't want to be so insensitive, but I couldn't help it. I had a well-developed habit of speaking harshly and didn't know how to change it.

One day I realized that I could hardly remember the last time I said something kind to my children. That was when I decided that I had to change some things. But how?

I asked the Lord, "How do I change a pattern of behavior that's been part of me for so long?

I knew that Ephesians 4:29 said, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." And harsh words and criticism are certainly not edifying and gracious.

Thanksgiving
I was willing to change this pattern, but I needed a replacement for the things I was so used to saying, something more powerful than these words of strife and criticism.

I found that alternative in Ephesians 5:

But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints: Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
(Eph. 5:3-4)

The alternative to speaking ugly is thanksgiving.

The New English Bible says it is this way, "No coarse, stupid, or flippant talk; these things are out of place; you should rather be thanking God."

I realized that I couldn't speak harshly and thank God simultaneously. I couldn't criticize those around me if I had a thankful attitude about them.

I immediately decided to put this principle to work in my life. Rushing into my son's room one day ready to lambaste him about something he had done, I recognized my old behavior pattern.

I just stopped and said to myself. The Word says that this kind of behavior is out of place, so I am going to stop and thank God. I wasn't nearly as angry after I spent a few minutes praising and thanking the Lord for him.

We're not supposed to correct our children in anger.

Ephesians 6 says,

Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger—do not exasperate them to resentment—but rear them (tenderly) in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord.
(Eph. 6:4 AMP)

And verse 1 of Chapter 5 said that we are to "be...followers of God, as dear children."

In other words, we are to imitate God as children imitate their parents.

When we miss the mark, God doesn't hit us with a barrage of verbal abuse! Rather, He corrects us with gentle reproof, and that's the way we're to correct our children.

When we're angry, if we'll just stop for a few minutes and thank the Lord, it will change the way we discipline them.


Excerpt permission granted by
Eagle Mountain International Church, Inc.
aka:  Kenneth Copeland Ministries