Let me start here with this statement of fact: Discipline without a relationship will breed rebellion in a child. A parent can't be walking around acting like Atilla the Hun or some five-star general, who barks out a few orders and then disappears. That isn't biblical parenting.

You can talk to your child until you have turned forty shades of blue, but he won't do what he hears you say; he does only what he sees you do.

I have come to realize that the thing I hate the most in my children is the very thing I find myself guilty of the most.

After watching my children pull some particular stunt, I will ask my wife, "Where did they learn to do that?"

Denise turns to me in surprise and says, "Go look in the mirror."

"I don't do that," I say.

"You're doing it right now," she says.

It seems I can get very animated when I talk, so my children get animated when they talk to me - sometimes too much.

Don't Isolate Your Kids
Isolation is the worst punishment a parent could ever give his child.

Don't ever get mad at your kid and yell out: "Go to your room right now and stay there! You're not getting any supper! You can just stay there till hell freezes over!"

When you act like that, I promise you, every demon in hell is just camped out in your child's bedroom and will be whispering to him what a scumbag you are. As Proverbs 29:15 says, "...a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."

God doesn't isolate His children, and you should never isolate yours. What you have to do is confront the situation, deal with it and get it past you. Isolation is the last form of church discipline (Matt. 18:17.)

Kids Should Fear the Rod, Not the Parents
Now regarding discipline, if you as a parent don't have control in your home, you can forget about everything else. But being in control doesn't mean beating up your kids.

The child should never fear the parent. He is supposed to fear the rod, so his parent has to teach him that. Let's talk now about the use of the rod.

There is a Bible way to use the rod and a Bible time for correction. The parent must learn when and how it is to be used, and how often.

Before anyone gets a wild idea about misusing the rod. Let me make a statement right here: Parents, you must never use the rod on your child for doing anything other than that which he has specifically and repeatedly been told not to do. If you can't follow this rule, you should never touch the rod.

Don't ever use the rod on your kids because they spilled milk at the table or even knocked out the plate-glass window with a baseball. When was the last time you did something careless?

Remember, when making rules and regulations for your household, it's the goodness of God that leads to repentance, so be flexible (See Rom. 2:4).

Source: God Knows How to Raise Your Kids - Even if You Don't by John McGee.
Excerpt permission granted by Harrison House Publishers.