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The ability for couples to speak the same language is vital for the success of their marriage. Understand that speaking the same language here refers to being on the same page, being in agreement about things. Conflict resolution is a skill set that newlyweds should start developing early in their marriage, especially through the adjustment phase (first 5 years of marriage). The purpose of conflict is to revolve and find a lasting solution. When couples resolve conflicts, it brings them closer together. Ultimately the more conflicts they resolve, the less barrier between them and the closer they get. Couples should see conflicts as a learning opportunity to discover their spouse and an avenue to get closer.

Some essentials things to do during this stage:

Pray Together

Prayer is an important asset during this time. It helps set the stage for dialogue. It also invites the presence of God into your situation. It helps you set the stage and atmosphere; it tells God that you depend on Him to help you understand your spouse. Notice that the pilot increases his communication with the control tower during take-off, landing, or when vibrations of the plane are for an extended period of time. Also notice that the control tower informs the pilot of weather conditions ahead and how to navigate these conditions (what altitude, speed etc.).

God plays the role of the control tower and prayer is the way you keep the communications between the control tower and the plane open. Imagine flying a plane without a control tower, or flying a plane with no communication between the control tower and the pilot. This is the case of going on the marriage journey without God. Also imagine flying a plane with no communication between the pilot and the flight attendant. This is the case of going on the marriage journey without communicating with your spouse. The importance of prayer in your life cannot be over emphasized. It is the lifeline of your life and marriage. If you want a great marriage—step one: pray together. The book of James puts it this way:
The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
(James 5:6)
Add Value to Your Spouse
Marriage flourishes through value-added growth, where growth is a function of the value you add to your spouse. During the adjustment phase you will meet a new side of your spouse that you have not met before. You will also experience a side you are used to. Marriage is like a magnifying glass that magnifies strengths and development areas.

It is important for you to celebrate these strengths and consciously add value to the development areas of your spouse. There is less stress in the adjustment phase if you leverage each other’s strengths and add value to each other development areas.

God added value to us by sending His son to die for us, that we will be saved through that action. We were sinners, but God chose to change that nature by adding value to us. Upon salvation, we are no longer slaves to sin, but free from the chains of sin. If you add value to your spouse, your spouse becomes a better person. They are better for marrying you and you are better for marrying them if you can leverage each other’s strength.

The pilot should not be trying to serve meals or the flight attendant trying to land the plane. The pilot knows that if he can keep the plane steady, the flight attendant can better serve the meal. I am not saying you should change your spouse, but rather enrich your spouse. Add value to your spouse and watch your marriage flourish.

Your Foundation
Finally, understand that marriage is a journey that gets better over time, and not a destination. The word of God should be at the foundation of your union as Christ is the foundation. The success of your marriage is dependent on your ability to diligently applying the word of God on your marriage. The principle governing marriage does not change and it works for whosoever will apply it. May the grace of God be upon your marriage and keep your union in the name of Jesus.

Marriage is journey, not a destination. It should get better over time if the governing principles are consistently applied.

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All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Author Biography

Toyosi Erogbogbo
Web site: Your Marriage Journey
Uthman Oluwatoyosi Erogbogbo (fondly called Toyosi) is a trained finance professional with a growing passion to see more Godly marriages in our world today. Toyosi holds the strong conviction that society flourishes to the extent to which the family and marriages prosper. He is passionate about helping singles who desire marriage; make the transition into a relationship that culminates in a fruitful marriage union.

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