Sometimes people hurt us and they didn’t mean to. It still hurts, and we still need to forgive them, of course. But the rubber really meets the road when someone hurts you on purpose. Gah!

Is God asking us to forgive someone who is just plain mean and calculating against us, someone who has gone out of their way to do us wrong?

Well, you might not like it, but the answer is yes. Because God doesn’t ever want you to suffer any of the pain that comes from unforgiveness! In Matthew 5:44 Jesus says, “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”

Spitefully! On purpose! Wow, that verse has all opposite thoughts than our natural human thinking, doesn’t it?

But Jesus is trying to help us here. He’s telling us that even if someone spitefully uses us and persecutes us (on purpose!), we’re to love, pray for, and forgive them.

Is Jesus asking the impossible of us? Of course not. If it’s in the Bible, we can do it! He’s showing us the path to freedom and peace.

When you choose to forgive — even someone who did you wrong on purpose — you’re keeping your blessing pipe clear! Forgiveness takes away all the sting. It puts the matter into God’s hands and guarantees you’ll come out on top.

When They Aren’t Even Sorry

I knew a young woman in my church years ago — let’s call her Yolanda. I was teaching a series of sermons on forgiveness, and after the second message, Yolanda made an appointment with me. As she sat in my office, I could tell she was very agitated.

“Karen, I know it’s important to forgive,” she said, “but I’m struggling with it.” It turned out that Yolanda’s father had sexually abused her as a child, but when she confronted him about it years later, he would never admit he’d done anything wrong.

“He just laughs at me, saying he never did that,” she told me with tears. “I’ve tried to forgive him, but all I can see in my mind is his face, laughing at me. He’s not sorry at all for what he’s done to me!”

I felt so bad for her. How frustrating to confront someone who has injured you beyond words, and have them laugh at you! Part of me wanted to help her punch his lights out. But I knew that wasn’t the answer for her. Revenge feels good to the flesh (for an hour or maybe even for a week), but forgiveness is the only way to be truly free.

Yolanda and I spent a few sessions together, going over what the Bible said about forgiveness, and she was able to completely forgive him.

And amazingly enough, once she did, many other things in her life starting falling into order. She began to have wonderful friendships, not realizing that unforgiveness had caused her to hold people at arm’s length. Among other things, she also received a raise at her job, and was able to get control of her financial life. It’s amazing what begins to happen when we forgive!

Maybe you can identify with Yolanda. Maybe someone has hurt you and they’re not sorry at all. Our natural reaction is that we want someone who’s hurt us to be really, really sorry. We want them to know how badly they’ve hurt us, to acknowledge their wrongdoing — at the very least to say they’re sorry, and if life went the way it should, they should even make it right!

But, of course, it doesn’t always happen that way.

The person who has hurt you may never say they’re sorry. Never! They may even tell everyone that you are the problem. They may never take responsibility for what they’ve done. They may never reach out to you or attempt to make peace.

And while that might make you really mad, it’s important that you come to grips with it. If you’re waiting for an apology or admittance of wrongdoing, it might never come, and then where will you be?

You’ll be still stuck in unforgiveness with all its horrible side-effects working in your life. Waiting for an apology from someone who hurt you is giving them way too much power over your life.

Because really, them being sorry (or not) has nothing to do with forgiveness. Remember, we don’t forgive people because they deserve it. We forgive because God has told us to in his Word. We do it to obey him and because that’s the way to freedom for us, whether they admit wrongdoing or not.

Let this truth set you free: forgiveness isn’t about the person who hurt you, it’s about you obeying God and keeping your heart right. It’s about cutting the chain and walking away from the pain of the past, keeping your blessing pipe clear.