The question always arises, "What if I have little children? How can I get involved?"
That is a valid question, because as a wife and mother, your first responsibility is to your husband, and your second responsibility is to your children. Your third responsibility is to the ministry God has given you as your husband's helpmeet in the ministry.
Yes, you will have to be diligent to accomplish your role as wife, mother, and co-laborer in the ministry. Therefore, you must learn how to plan your days!
Organization Is A Blessing
It's amazing how much you can accomplish in a day if you organize your time. One of the best organizational methods I have found is to write everything down that I want to accomplish in a given day. I usually do this the night before.
I cannot stress enough how important it is that you and your husband are in the ministry together! If your husband is called—then you are called, because you and your husband are one. If you don't sense that calling to the ministry, talk to the Lord about it, and He will make it real to you. But you need to have that call established in your heart in order to secure the grace needed to carry you through times of pressure.
Personally, I didn't have any trouble understanding my call as a pastor's wife because I grew up in a pastor's home. I was secure in that role. But when my husband's ministry changed from the pastoral to the evangelistic ministry in the seventies, I was not secure in that role.
I knew it was important that I felt called to the evangelistic ministry too. If I didn't sense God's call on my life to be an evangelist's wife, I knew I could easily discourage my husband.
So I earnestly sought God. I prayed, "God, I know You are not a respecter of persons. If You told my husband about a change in direction, You can tell me too. I just ask You to give me confidence and assurance in this new direction." And God did!
Complement, Not Compete
Being in the ministry with your husband does not mean you will take over his duties. In other words, don't try to preach if he's the one who is called to preach. You are to complement each other, not compete with each other!
You don't take over your husband's responsibilities in the ministry, but you do get involved and help him in the ministry. I have seen so many ministries in which the woman did not participate in any of the functions of the ministry. Do you know what happens in those situations? That couple grows apart!
If the wife doesn't become involved, there is a part of her that is unfulfilled. Her husband gets all the attention, and she is left out. This can cause real discord in the marriage. There is no common ground for a marriage like this, and they end up with nothing to talk about.
When the children are young, a husband and wife can talk about their children. But eventually a day will come when the children are gone, and she'll find herself married to a "stranger."
When a man is in the ministry, that is his whole life. Often that will be all he wants to talk about. And if his wife doesn't participate in the ministry with him, it leaves room for the devil to come in.
For instance, suppose another woman in the church does assume some type of leadership role. Then the pastor, as the head of that church, has something in common with that woman. Since he has the responsibility of the church, at times he'll need to confer with her.
Do you see how this can give place to the enemy in your marriage? That's why it's so important for you to be the first lady of that church and for you to be the one with whom your husband confers concerning church matters. Then together you can plan projects or implement changes.
So whether you think of yourself as a leader or not, it would behoove you to become one!
Be Aware Of The Enemy's Attacks
Also, let me mention another aspect of the enemy's attack on marriages that you need to be aware of. There is something very attractive about a man of God in the pulpit. After all, he's preaching the Word! So you will have to be alert and keep an ever-watchful eye open, because certain women will try to gain the attention of your husband!
Their own husbands may have neglected them, and they might just be looking for the attention of a man. Whatever the case, you may have to warn your husband at times about other women's intentions because, as a woman, you will probably be more aware in this area than he is.
If you see that a woman is continually approaching your husband, you can handle the situation discreetly. The next time she tries to approach him when you're around, just sweetly put your arm through his, and let her know with a look that you are the queen of your household!
This brings up another important point. Your husband should never counsel a woman alone. The Bible says to shun the very appearance of evil and not to give place to the devil (1 Thess. 5:22; Eph. 4:27).
When as a pastor, your husband is called upon to visit a woman in the hospital, you should always go with him. Also, you should always enter the hospital room first to make sure the woman you're visiting is presentable.
The truth is, there are times in a hospital situation when a woman just does not want a man to see her. For instance, my husband and I once visited a woman in the hospital, and I went alone into her room to talk to her. She had just had surgery and wasn't wearing any makeup. When I asked her if she'd like my husband to come in and pray for her, she said, "Oh, no! I don't want him to see me like this!"
Wisdom And Words
In marriage and in ministry, there is a right and a wrong time for a woman to speak. It is important that you choose the right time to speak or voice your opinion.
Never embarrass your husband in front of others. This is so important. For instance, don't contradict your husband in public. If you work in the church office, your husband is always right! When other people are present, your husband is always right! When the two of you are alone, you can give him your opinion, but never contradict him in public.
As a minister's wife, you will need to know a little bit about everything. You'll be surprised at the things people will expect you to know.
Educated Yourself
People will want to counsel with you on every conceivable subject. Personally, I try to learn as much as possible in every area that I can, because in the ministry I never know when I'm going to need that information.
For instance, sometimes you'll need to assist in weddings. You'll need to know on which side the respective families are to be seated, how to cut the wedding cake, and things of this nature. So get a good education in these matters—you're going to need it!
You should also be knowledgeable about wedding and baby showers, because as the pastor's wife, you'll be expected to give many for women in the church. This responsibility may sound trivial, but it is essential to the role of a pastor's wife. You learn to be instant in season, out of season, and in between seasons!
Learn how to entertain and prepare appealing dinners for two or 200. Also, learn how to set a pretty table, not just for company, but for your own family. You set an important example for your children when you treat your family as specially as you do company.
In your marriage, strive to build a relationship with your husband. Be his best friend. Marriage is never easy, just as the ministry is never easy. Both of you will have to build both your marriage and your ministry!
You need to learn how to communicate with each other. In the ministry, there may be times when your friendship with your husband is the only friendship you have.
Also, you should be careful not to choose your close, intimate friends from among your own congregation. You will have to be a friend to the women in your congregation, but they should not become your close, intimate confidantes. Find a friend—for example, another minister's wife—with whom you can share outside your own congregation.
Become A 'Proverbs 31' Woman
I know it's the heart-cry of each of us who are ministers' wives to become the kind of wife, mother, and co-laborer in the ministry whom God can commend with the words, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."
And because we've chosen to stand by our husbands to help them fulfill the call of God to the ministry, on that great day when our names are called, we'll hear God say, "You have been a godly woman and have fulfilled Proverbs 31!"
Excerpt permission granted by Faith Library Publication
Passionate, joyful, and vibrant . . . these words best describe Lynette Hagin. Lynette is an author, teacher, and conference speaker and host. She serves as the Director of Rhema Bible Training College and General Manager of Kenneth Hagin Ministries. She also assists her husband, Kenneth W. Hagin, in pastoring Rhema Bible Church.
