I recently received an email from a young friend. She is engaged to be married to a man from a different denominational background. She asked for advice, and I'm including part of my reply to her in this article. I'm also attaching a portion of her email:

Jon,
I have some questions for you that I need help with. My fiancé and I came from two different types of churches, so we have different views or beliefs on certain things.

Right now, we're trying to resolve our differences by going over the Bible on our differences and trying to figure out what is "right." So, would you be able to direct me to verses that would help us resolve our differences?

...We disagree over things like instruments in the church, water baptism, speaking in tongues, and the importance of the Old Testament today.

His church also says that since things such as children's or youth ministry aren't listed in Scripture, they are a waste of time...additions to the Word (Rev. 22:18, "If anyone adds to them [the words of this book]..."). So, how should I resolve that, since I think children's ministry is very important?

There are a lot of things in today's society that aren't talked about in the New Testament so we just need to apply biblical principles, use wisdom and common sense in dealing with them.

The use of a church building, for instance, didn't come along until after the Apostles had died (the Early Church believers "borrowed" the idea from the Jewish Synagogues of their day). The believers met in houses, synagogues, catacombs or wherever they could. It's just that a church building is the most practical way to meet with a large group of believers on a regular basis, so we do it that way.

My spiritual father, Kenneth E. Hagin, said, "I go as much by what the Bible doesn't say as by what it does say." In other words, by applying the principles laid out in the Word of God we can lead lives that glorify God.

For instance: the Bible doesn't talk about television movies or the Internet, but it does talk about living lives of moderation; it doesn't talk about how long skirts should be or whether or not to wear thong bathing suits, etc, but it does talk about dressing modestly; you would have a hard time finding anything in the Bible about cars, time zones, coffee or electricity, but they are a part of our lives nonetheless...and they make our lives better.

By the way, be sure to not just look at a single verse, but the entire context of the passage and also the setting in which it occurs. (Look at the period of history when the New Testament book was written and current events, city from which and to which it was written, why it was written, to whom it was written, etc.) This ensures that the verse is translated properly. You shouldn't make a doctrine on one or two isolated scriptures.

It's also important to remember that many differences in churches are a result of style, not substance. The thing to keep in mind is that different isn't necessarily wrong.

I enjoy going to a church that is in keeping with my style. I don't like country and western music, so I don't attend churches that sing that kind of music. I don't like to kneel, stand up, sit down, etc. when someone else tells me to, so I don't attend a church of that style.

Do you see what I'm talking about? It's just a style issue. I can love God just as much as someone in other kinds of churches, but I don't have to be a part of those churches. And they can love God as deeply as I do without coming to my church or doing things the way I like to do them.

But concerning children's and youth ministry, we need to realize that kids, teens and adults have different learning styles and abilities, so we must adjust the message to their level and unique needs. Our goal is to train the next generation of believers to take their place in the Kingdom of God right now; and not wait until they're old enough to understand the message at an adult level.

Jesus told the disciples to let the children come to Him, and not to hinder them from doing so (Matt. 19:14). Once again, we're using biblical principles, wisdom and common sense in order to fulfill this command.

It's simply not very practical to try to teach all the different age groups in a meaningful way during the same service. This is also why we have Sunday school classes (LIFE Groups). This is something that you need to work out between the two of you, especially if you feel some sort of a call of gift to work with kids.

It's good that you're working through these things now. You're going to need to choose a church to get involved with as a family, and so there will need to be some sort of compromise. Honestly, if these issues are such a problem for you all (and it sounds as if they might be), maybe you should reconsider whether this is the right relationship or the right time.

I'm not saying it is or isn't right. I am saying that these issues will prove to be a real frustration in your marriage if they can't be resolved. There are enough things that strain marital relationships...you don't want to go into a marriage with issues like these left up to chance.

I'm sorry if that upsets you, I just care about you and want the best for you. You'll make the right decision...I have full confidence in you.

Take care of yourself,
Jon

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