Most of us at some time in our life will experience a time of brokenness where our heart aches with pain. For some, it will be the loss of a personal relationship with a significant other, separation or divorce, or strife with children, friends, co-workers, or family members.
Brokenness is a place where there is no bottom because we have already passed that point. We are below bottom.
It is a place that humbles us because the pain of loss penetrates deep into our soul, exposing our core for all to see.
In most (not all) situations, when it comes to broken relationships, at some level or another we played a part in the circumstances in which we find ourselves. Yes, I dislike accountability as much as the next person, but the fact remains that it always takes two to have a disagreement—rarely just one.
At this point, what got us to our painful situation is far less important than what we are going to do about it.
Even in the moment of seeming despair, we have a choice. We have a choice to stay stuck, embittered, and hopeless—possibly blaming others for our condition while we wallow in self-pity—or we can embrace the moment as one of the greatest opportunities to grow and learn. Our changed circumstances will become an anchor point for living the rest of our lives.
In which direction shall we point our emotionally charged sentiments—positive or negative?
Recently, in a breakdown of a personal relationship, I was challenged to rethink how I showed up. In the past, I might have become angry or upset but instead I needed to stop and acknowledge the other person's feelings, which were a surprise to me.
Yes, it always takes two to tango—but I can only own my stuff. Most of us are very slow in realizing that nobody can change anybody else—each person must actively choose change.
The more you try to change someone else, the less likely that person is willing to change. Who wants to do something that is being demanded by someone else? It's like one of those Chinese puzzles that you put on your finger. The harder you pull, the tighter it grips your finger. Once you relax, you can remove your finger from the puzzle.
The same holds true for our brokenness. You can fight it or relax and be transformed by the experience. So many broken relationships end up in bitterness with each party spreading malicious gossip about the other.
Lack of forgiveness will eat at your soul, turning you into poison ground, so do whatever you need to do to release the bad thoughts and feelings.
Brokenness not only humbles us in our human frailty, it exposes our authentic selves.
The way you handle this situation will show the real you.
If you had brokenness in your life, how did you show up? Are you okay with your responses?
When we allow people in, that permits others to support us in our time of need. The human spirit requires community so withdrawing is not the answer to healing and transformation. Yes, we will want our own space but not to the exclusion of community.
At my time of need, I appreciated my friends and the way they supported me—I was not only thankful but amazed at their loyalty and love.
Even though it feels like the pain will never end, it will. It will take longer for some people than others but this, too, shall pass. I agree with Wayne Dyers' insights: Who says it must take a long time to heal from brokenness? That's a myth.
So if someone you know is experiencing brokenness, share this article.
Take the following steps to transform the experience for others.
Your positive progress is only one decision away.
© Consulting Resource Group International, Inc.
All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Ken Keis, MBA, CPC, is an internationally known author, speaker, and consultant. In the past 20 years, he has conducted over 2000 presentations including 10,000 hours of coaching and HR consulting.
