If it is true that almost everything we become and accomplish in life is with and through other people, then the ability to create rapport with them is the most important skill we can learn.
If it is true that almost everything we become and accomplish in life is with and through other people, then the ability to create rapport with them is the most important skill we can learn. Looking back at the early and middle stages of my career, I identified six practices that helped me to connect with others. I trust that they will be beneficial to you in honing your skills as a connector.
1. I Understood the Value of Connecting With Others
As a young leader, I quickly bumped up against my personal limitations. I realized that what I could accomplish on my own paled in comparison to what I could get done by linking up with others. I became aware that my influence depended upon my ability to connect with those around me, and I switched my mindset from being a solo producer to being a people developer.
2. I Studied and Imitated Connectors That I Admired
As a young leader, I had an insatiable appetite to learn from the leaders who seemed effortlessly to connect with others. First, I looked at how the person connected. That is, what strategies did she employ to get through to the audience? Second, I observed how long the person connected. It’s far easier to catch someone’s attention than it is to hold his attention for an extended period of time. As I studied the great connectors, I attempted to incorporate their methods into my own communication.
3. I Determined to Be Myself and Build on My Strengths
Though I relied on the example of expert communicators, I also resolved to connect authentically by drawing upon my own unique talents. Gradually, my question morphed from, “What do they have that I want?” to “What do I have that they want?” As I tapped into my natural abilities, I began to develop a distinctive style around my strengths.
My Style of Connection
- Humor: I enjoy my audience, subject, and myself.
- Authenticity: I do not teach anything that I do not live or believe.
- Confidence: I naturally feel good about others and myself.
- Hope: I love to uplift people and encourage them.
- Simplicity: I am not an intellectual, and I enjoy making my lessons easily understandable.
4. I Did My Homework
If you are gifted at forming relationships and do nothing to improve, you’ll still be in the top 50% of connectors. Do something in the way of personal growth from time to time, and you’ll be in the top 10% of connectors. However, to make the top 1%, you’ll need to do homework every day on how to get through to others.
5. I Asked for Feedback
As Stephen Covey says, “It takes humility to seek feedback. It takes wisdom to understand it, analyze it and appropriately act on it.” When soliciting feedback, ask those who possess the capacity to connect. Only seasoned connectors can offer you reliable feedback; others can only speculate about what you did right or wrong.
6. I Practiced.
The art of connection takes time to master. I started off as a terrible communicator; I was long-winded and uninteresting. Thankfully, I was determined to improve. After gaining experience, I began to think more about the context of connection than its content. That is, I learned to focus on my audience rather than myself. I began to rehearse my messages in front of one person, and then in the presence of a small group, before delivering them to large audiences. The extra practice on the front end tremendously aided my ability to connect during actual speaking engagements.
Application
In preparing to connect with another individual or group this week, practice the follow three steps:
1) Research and Develop Your Message
With whom are you trying to connect? What motivates them? How have others successfully connected with them? What resources could prepare you for your conversation with them?
2) Refine Your Message
After you’ve developed your message, seek counsel from others. What do they like or dislike about it? What recommendations do they have for making the message better?
3) Rehearse Your Message
Give your message a trial run in front of another person. Did you feel confident communicating it? How could your delivery improve?
John Maxwell grew up in the 1950s in the small Midwestern city of Circleville, Ohio. John's earliest childhood memory is of knowing that he would someday be a pastor. He professed faith in Christ at the age of three, and reaffirmed that commitment when he was 13. At age 17, John began preparing for the ministry. He attended Circleville Bible College, earning his bachelor's degree in 1969. In June of that same year, he married his sweetheart, Margaret, and moved to tiny Hillham, Indiana, where he began his first pastorate.
While serving in his second church, Maxwell began to study the correlation between leadership effectiveness and ministry effectiveness. On July 4, 1976, while preaching at a service commemorating America's bicentennial, John sensed that God was calling him into a ministry to pastors. Within days after that event, pastors began to contact him, asking for his assistance in nurturing their churches. Over the next four years, on an informal basis, John helped scores of fellow pastors. Then, in 1980, he was asked to become Executive Director of Evangelism for the Wesleyan denomination.
Though his time at Wesleyan headquarters was productive, John soon realized that his deeper desire was to help pastors from numerous denominations. He knew that desire would be unfulfilled if he were to stay at denominational headquarters. As a result, in 1981 John accepted the call to return to the pastorate, this time at Skyline Wesleyan Church in the San Diego, California area. But he did so with the church's blessing to pursue his vision. The Skyline congregation allowed him to continue mentoring and assisting pastors even as he led them to new levels.
In 1985, as he continued to equip and encourage other pastors, John took the next crucial step in leadership development. He founded a new company called INJOY and created the INJOY Life Club, featuring a monthly tape for leaders. The fledging operation, established in the corner of a garage, was soon bursting at the seams. The INJOY Life Club tapes were received with great enthusiasm, and the number of subscriptions quickly increased from hundreds to thousands. Simultaneously, the demand for other resources and seminars exploded. Pastors from coast to coast were responding, and their desire for help was even greater than John had anticipated.
As the years passed, INJOY began demanding more and more of John's time. In 1995, he resigned from his position as senior pastor at Skyline following a very fruitful 14-year tenure. The church had tripled in size and its lay ministry involvement had increased ten-fold. Dr. Maxwell is in great demand today as a speaker. Through his bestselling books, audio and video resources, and major conferences, he communicates directly with more than one million people every year. He is frequently asked to speak for organizations such as Promise Keepers and Focus on the Family, but his greatest joy and desire is to help pastors become better leaders.
Because the need for leadership development knows no borders, John established EQUIP, a non-profit organization which trains leaders in urban communities, academic institutions, and within international organizations. EQUIP is also spearheading a movement which has enlisted more than one million pastoral prayer partners who covenant to pray specifically for those who shepherd God's flock.
John continues to seek new opportunities to help churches and church leaders. He knows that one thing is constant: the only hope for the world is salvation through the Lord Jesus Christ, who gives life abundantly.