Many centuries have passed since God introduced Male to Female in the Garden of Eden. You’d think they would have figured each other out by now.
But even after thousands of years of living together, men and women are still a mystery to each other. And the depth of that mystery is most evident when they start trying to understand and meet one another’s needs in marriage.
Can We Talk?
Let’s start with the ladies. Researchers agree one of the most important needs of a woman is the need for conversation. That’s right, husbands, conversation.
Many jokes have been made about how a woman can talk and talk and talk…but those jokes have a basis in fact. A woman’s need to talk is much greater than a man’s. And, fellows, it isn’t a joke any more than your need for sex is a joke.
When I say a woman needs to talk, I don’t mean she just likes to chatter. She needs the real, sharing kind of conversation. She needs her husband to be interested in what happened to her today…and where she went…and who she saw.
Many guys don’t understand this need. So when their wife comes in and says, “Let’s talk, honey,” they glance up from the newspaper and say, “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
Husbands, please don’t ever do that. Why? Because you’re actually implying that she isn’t interesting enough to you to cause you to want to have a conversation, but you’ll be patient with her while she talks. You’ve insulted her.
Let me turn the tables and put it in terms you understand a little more. Let’s say you walked into the room and said, “Honey, let’s have sex.” And she glances over the newspaper and says, “What for, George? Is it time to have kids again?”
You may think those two situations are different, but they’re not. Your wife needs to talk as much as you need to be sexually fulfilled. So recognize that need. Quit conforming to the worldly image of the strong, silent type who just grunts once in a while and be diligent to share your heart with her.
Notice I said, be diligent. You’ll have to deliberately set time aside for communication or it won’t take place. How much time should you allot? Most psychologists agree that 15 hours a week or so is really what’s needed – say, about an hour a day during the week and the rest on the weekends.
I can just hear some of you guys right now. “Fifteen hours! I can’t spend 15 hours a week talking to my wife.” Yes, you can. Not by sitting in two chairs staring at each other for hours on end, but by planning activities together. Go walking or bike riding. Do things you enjoy and talk while you’re at it.
Time spent in front of the television does not count. Neither does the time when the kids are harassing you and you’re being distracted by a myriad of other things. Pick a time during the day when you can give one another your attention. Then, let the conversation flow. You – yes, even you, Strong Silent Husband – may end up enjoying it more than you think!
Excerpt permission granted by Living Word International
Mac and Lynne Hammond are senior pastors of Living Word in Brooklyn Park, Minnesota, which they started in 1980. Many outreaches and ministries have launched from Living Word since that time, including Maranatha Christian Academy, a Pre-K through grade 12 school with nearly 900 in attendance, and Living Free Recovery Services, a licensed outpatient treatment program.
Most recently, Mac and Lynne have launched a vision to plant fifty churches across the globe in the next five years. As of August 2024, nine churches have been planted in the Dominican Republic, Ireland, Venezuela, Bolivia, Colombia, and Guatemala with construction underway for seven more churches in El Salvador, Ethiopia, and the Democratic Republic of Congo.
Prior to becoming a pastor, Mac was a pilot. He served in the Air Force, served two tours of duty in Southeast Asia, and was honorably discharged in 1970 with the rank of Captain. Between 1970 and 1980, Mac was involved in varying capacities in the general aviation industry, including ownership of a successful air cargo business serving the Midwestern United States. A business acquisition brought the Hammonds to Minneapolis, where they ultimately founded Living Word. Currently, Mac is the host of The Winner’s Way and The Winner’s Minute broadcasts and the author of several internationally distributed books. Mac is broadly acclaimed for his ability to apply the principles of the Bible to practical situations and the challenges of daily living.